This article appeared as a guest essay in the Opinion section of the New York Times on November 12, 2022:

Recently, a friend of mine who is newly divorced and dating for the first time asked me to help her work on her flirtation skills.

“First, you have to get the gaze right,” I told her. “Not stalker-heavy, but enough so they notice.”

“Like this?” She glowered at me, and I tried to stifle a laugh.

“More like this,” I said, demonstrating.

When I was a kid, my mother taught me how to soften my gaze when watching birds so they wouldn’t feel the weight of my attention. This kind of look is just the opposite — a concentrated gaze that lands like a finger, tapping, casting the line of desire until it catches and tugs. Read more here...