Nonfiction Bowling Tournament Results

July 31, 2014 - 7:00pm

Bernard Cooper’s nonfiction workshop, the aptly named Gutterballs, was routed this spring in the Third Occasional Nonfiction Bowling Tournament against the defending champions, John D’Agata’s workshop, also known as The Body English.

With a combined score of 732 and in two rounds of play, The Body English unapologetically massacred the Gutterballs, whose score was so low this reporter is too ashamed to publicly report it.

Many commentators have searched for an answer to the question How did this happen?  Was it Drew's Bratcher's triple-digit score?  Was it Jenna Sauer's innovative overhand address?  Was it John D’Agata’s phenomenal snacks?  Or was it simply the modesty with which The Body English approached the game? All of these elements surely contributed to the defeat of Mr. Cooper's Gutterballs, but of course none was more influential than the hand-stenciled t-shirts that Keanan Faruq created for The Body English.

We may not ever learn why the Gutterballs lost so miserably, but in keeping with tournament tradition the losing team cheerfully treated The Body English to a round of drinks.